User:Nathan1123/It's an Alternate Life - Chapter 1

Disclaimers: Apologies to Francis Goodrich, et al. Any character in this story is a charactature loosely inspired from their real counterpart, with no direct correlation intended. This is a story of wonderful people having a wonderful life, and there may be a wonderful message with it as well. Yes, this is a followup from my story last year, although this probably ends up being a lot more ambitious if not challenging. Regardless, I hope you enjoy.

Once again, it was Christmas on the Internet. Many time zones were experiencing a splendid snow, and those that weren't enjoyed it vicariously through digital simulations just the same. Every social media was routinely decorated, stimulating the Christmas spirit for every sense of the body, visual and audio. Whether it was a simple color style changed to red-and-green, or extravagant videos of parody Christmas music, the same sentiment of the season was unmistakable across hundreds of thousands of servers, spread across every known linguistic and national domain.

But among these hundred thousand servers, one solitary hardware is forwarding a collection of hopeful messages from a single, small community of Internet users; messages that blossom with a passionate supplication directed towards the life of their collective friend. Even the new festive styling around the bright letters “Althistory Wiki” could not dissuade from the solemn atmosphere. For those at a loss for words, as the mind clouds with welling emotions in times of stress, they could only pass on a single “F” in the chat. In years past, such an act would be considered a meme, a mockery or irony towards genuine respect or mourning. But, as more and more emotional attachment becomes embedded in the cyber world, and as memes themselves become closer to a true form of communication, the ironic transforms to the unironic, and what was once a symbol of disrespect becomes an honest representation of emotional commitment.

NuclearVaccuum: I owe everything to United Republic. Help him, dear God.

SkyGreen24: Jesus Christ and Mary, help my friend UR

Monster Pumpkin: Help our son Will tonight

Thewolvesden: He never thinks about himself, God. That's why he's in trouble

SolaceEaSw: Will is a good guy. Give him a break, God.

UpvoteAnthology: I love him, dear Lord. Watch over him tonight

EmperorKangxi: Please, God. Something is the matter with United

Drafigo13: Please bring United back

Far above the digital world of bits and pixels, another web of communication abounds between spiritual forces. Without any server, browser, or data plan, the Internet of heaven continues as it has for countless millennia, exchanging thoughts and feelings between souls of unfathomable number and distance. Even so, as long as two or more are gathered together, the prayers of the faithful are instantaneously forwarded to the inboxes of their respective guardian angels. At this particular moment, that inbox was becoming noticeably filled out.

“Hello Joseph, what's the problem?” Inquired one such angel, whose name in life was Franklin

“Looks like we'll have to send someone down – a lot of people are asking help for a man named Will–”

“Ah, yes, tonight's his crucial night. You're right, we'll have to send someone down immediately. Whose turn is it?”

“That's why I came to see you, sir. It's that clockmaker's turn again”

“Oh – Clarence. Hasn't gotten his wings yet, has he? We've passed him up for a while now”

“Yeah, because you know he has an I.Q. of a rabbit, sir”

“Yes, but he's got the faith of a child. Joseph, send for Clarence.”

As time has little meaning in heaven, Clarence received this summon almost concurrent with it being sent, and thus found himself already amid conversation with his superior angels.

“You sent for me, sir?”

“Yes, Clarence,” explained Franklin, “A man down on earth needs your help”

“Splendid!” chimed Clarence, his heavenly aura shimmering with glee, “uh, is he sick?”

Bearing the patience of Job, Franklin continued, “No, worse, he's discouraged. At exactly 10:45 PM tonight, that man will be thinking seriously of throwing away God's greatest gift”

“Oh, dear, dear! His life!”

Living usually among the immortals of paradise, most angels would be shell-shocked by such a concept, merely hearing of such callous disregard for the most valuable item the Heavenly Father gives for free. Clarence, however, was overcome by his eagerness.

“Well, then I only have an hour to dress. What are humans even wearing nowadays? It changes so quickly…”

“No need to worry about that, you will approach him through his online moderator account, United Republic. In the meantime, you will be getting acquainted with his life.”

“An Internet moderator? Sir, with so many prayers across the Earth these days, why devote such time to one Internet moderator? From your summons I had thought this Will was to be a politician or banker, or–”

“Clarence, that is not our place to judge,” Franklin calmly interrupted, “regardless what he does now, the fact remains there are faithful prayers being sent on his behalf, and it is our job to answer that call”

“Of course, sir, certainly sir!” Clarence corrected, his aura now gently shying back, “So… if I were to accomplish this mission, that is to say, might I get my wings? I've been waiting for over two hundred years now, and well, people are beginning to ask.”

“What's that book you got there?” Franklin inquired

“Lord of the Rings, sir”

“Clarence, you do a good job with United Republic, you'll get your wings.”

“Oh, thank you sir, thank you!”

And with that, Franklin departed for a higher plane, leaving Clarence in the care of angel Joseph.

“Alright, Clarence, sit down”

“Sit down? What are you–”

Clarence was naturally confused of the situation. In Heaven, the act of “sitting down” is less mechanical than on Earth. Instead, it indicates the user is compelled to experience information being presented to him. In this case, Clarence found his senses once again filtered to physical reality, in preparation for being given a snapshot of United Republic's life.

“If you're going to help a man, you want to know more about him, don't you?”

“Well… naturally, of course!”

“Well then keep your eyes open. Do you see the website?”

“Where? I can't see a thing”

“Oh, I forgot you don't have your wings yet” Joseph growled, somewhat annoyed. “Concentrate. Begin to see something?”

“Why, yes! This is amazing…”

The scene faded in before him of a computer screen, a family laptop alternatively used between parents and their children. On the screen was a Firefox web browser, opened up to the older, more buggy and inefficient chat applet belonging to the Althistory Wiki.

“If you ever get your wings, you'll see all by yourself”

“Oh, wonderful”

Moderation was absent from the chat at this time of day, and instead streams of dialog flew from a half dozen sets of immature fingers. Memes of stock photos and clickbait videos would fly faster than the human eye could follow, each one of which had been carefully selected to instill some childish joy for the fraction of a second it appeared on the screen. In this instance, the children of the wiki were engaged in an activity of fun but questionable health on the Internet: sharing links to explore the Dark Web.

United Republic: LMAO I can't get enough of this

“Hey, who's that?” Asked Clarence

“That's your problem, United Republic.”

“A troll?”

“That's him when he was thirteen, back when he first joined the wiki. Something happens here you'll have to remember later on.”

JoshTheRoman: Yeah, if you stay on that last link too long, you'll definitely get a virus

United Republic: Simply brilliant

Centrist16: Uh, what is that?

United Republic: Ladies and gentleman, the scare-baby of the wiki, my best friend, Centrist

Centrist16: Hey, I'm not scared!

JoshTheRoman: Come on, Centrist, show what you're made of

Centrist' dialog petered off the conversation for a while, presumably as he explored the Dark Web link provided to him. After several minutes, a frantic social media notification appeared on the same screen, coming directly from Centrist.

Centrist16: Will, I'm in a bad situation, I don't know what to do, and I'm a little scared.

Centrist16: A virus got on my laptop… it's mostly ok now but the speaker's busted…

Centrist16: If I can't get a replacement part my parents will kill me, probably take away my computer privileges

United Republic: It's ok, Centrist. I

United Republic: I'll let you use mine.

“UR saved Centrist's life that day, but at the cost of a speaker from his own computer. His computer would then on only give sound from one side from then on. It was weeks after this point he started working as an apprentice to the TSPTF member NuclearVaccuum”

The screen then faded and shifted, showing a slightly different set of users in the wiki chat this time. UR and his friends idly passed the time spamming emotes of various rodents, in preparation of the young user leaving the group to continue his job. Suddenly, all manner of mischief stopped as a new user entered, his brooding demeanor demanding as much respect as the Admin badge next to his name. His avatar bore imperial red and black of the SPQR, and his first message gave off a palpable feeling continuous disappointment, albeit completely blank.

Scrawland Scribblescratch:

Scrawland Scribblescratch: If the next message posted is a squirrel, it will be your last for the next week

Centrist16: Yes, sir. Sorry, sir

“Who is that?” asked Clarence, “A king?”

“That's Scrawland Scribblescratch, the meanest and most powerful man on the wiki”

After some minutes, the admin's avatar went subtly grey, with a characteristic “afk” underneath. Nuke was the next user to appear, also a Lieutenant but an older and more somber figure.

NuclearVaccuum: I'm waiting for you, UR

United Republic: Right! So long, people :)

JoshTheRoman: Get to work, slave LMAO

UR and Nuke relocated to a private server, engaging the usual routine of modifying and distributing quality images across the wiki. It was a decent server, consisting of an aesthetic décor of various flags, coat-of-arms, portraits and maps. It also had a few bots simple bots, mainly as idle amusement for would-be customers. It was small and unassuming, largely disorganized in design yet undeniably practical.

United Republic: .8ball I wish I had a million dollars

Notsobot: Not a chance

United Republic: Bob Sagit!

NuclearVaccuum: You're late again, UR

United Republic: Yes, sir :(

NuclearVaccuum: Get started on the 1983:DD flags

The next two users to enter the chat were likewise younger, fresh wikians. One was a precocious Filippina with a knack of East Asian history, the same age as UR but acts infinitely older in terms of her interaction with people.

Candiesrgood: Heloooo UR (followed by a waving emote)

Candiesrgood: Oh. Hello Up

UpvoteAnthology: Hello, Candy

Upvote was a more quiet, thoughtful individual, yet creatively minded as her hand-drawn avatar suggested. UR paused from his labors to entertain the two customers, maintaining an unwavering air of professionalism, although his mind categorized them as an icky nuisance.

United Republic: The Dragon's emblem again, Candy?

Candiesrgood: She was here first

UpvoteAnthology: I'm still thinking

United Republic: Alright. The emblem?

Candiesrgood: yes, please Will :)

As UR proceeded to procure the emblem, a thread of private messages appeared

Candiesrgood: I like him :D

UpvoteAnthology: You like every boy on the server (rolling eyes emote)

Candiesrgood: Meh. What's wrong with that?

UR came active again after a few minutes, and cheerfully produced the needed Dragon emblem, posting the full URL in the chat.

United Republic: Here you are

Candiesrgood: Thanks! Would you care to help me work on it? :^)

United Republic: Not really, no

Candy exited the chat without saying another word, internally embarrassed but knowing there are plenty of other items on her menu. Maintaining his dedicated precision, UR snapped his attention towards Upvote.

United Republic: Have you made up your mind yet?

UpvoteAnthology: I'll take an antebellum campaign poster

United Republic: Coming right up. With a donkey insignia?

UpvoteAnthology: I don't like donkeys

United Republic: You don't like donkeys?! Look brainless, don't you know where the democrat party symbol came from?

Having recovered from his initial shock, UR pasted a link to an article from an obscure poli-sci website

United Republic: Look here -> Andrew Jackson, 1824

UpvoteAnthology: I've never seen this website before

United Republic: Of course you haven't! Only us professional historians can access it. I have been nominated to join the Atlas political discussion board, brb

UR had to momentarily pause from his monologue to maintenance the ongoing audio issue of his computer. In the moment he was gone, a message flashed on the screen and was then deleted by sender.

UpvoteAnthology: UR I'll love you till the day I die

United Republic: Back. Anyway, I'm going to go bridging out to other mediums and wikis, just you see: I'm going to get a few novels published, and maybe three or four Pulitzers lol, just you wait!

As UR went through this soliloquy, he idly spammed his cursor on the “AFK” button on the chat, a typical force of habit on the old wiki chat. Suddenly he stopped when Nuke snapped

NuclearVaccuum: ur

NuclearVaccuum: ur!!

United Republic: Yes sir?

NuclearVaccuum: cut uot that raket, my ears can only take so muhc

UR stopped, but was suddenly faced with suspicion. Nuke never typed in such a docile manner, unless there was something else going on. On a lark, another tab opened and navigated to the wiki's talk pages, where he saw a message left for Nuke.

“NuclearVaccuum,

“We regret to inform you that your timeline, Russian America, has been nominated for deletion this morning for its implausibility. Everything possible was done for its recovery. We await instructions from you. Oh, I didn't mean to push that button! † Oh, well leave a message I guess  16:30, December 26, 2018 (UTC)”

UR's heart ached to read this. Nuke had spent years perfecting that timeline and now its all gone. Will's sympathy for Nuke's depression seared his heart, knowing how distraught he would be to lose one of his timelines. Intoxication would just be the tip of the iceberg. UR silently gave Upvote the link she desired and turned his attention immediately to Nuke.

United Republic: Nuke… do you want something? Anything?

NuclearVaccuum: no

United Republic: … anything I can do back in the archives?

NuclearVaccuum: no, jus-

In fumbling over his keyboard, Nuke seemed to have accidentally pasted a link to a google drive, part of the backend archive of the Wiki resources.

United Republic: I'll take care of it, sir

UR clicked the link to bookmark the archive. He noted it was a series of binary files for map game algos. At first, this seemed like a regular collection of files, but something seemed a bit off about the file path name. Looking more closely, UR was horrified by seeing the folder labeled “malware testing”, and indeed some of the binary files were suspiciously named as well.

NuclearVaccuum: take these files to crimson, hes been waitin on them

United Republic: These are the binaries, right?

NuclearVaccuum: hm?

United Republic: Is it a charge?

NuclearVaccuum: yes, a charge

United Republic: Nuke, I think…

NuclearVaccuum: get goin already!!

United Republic: Yes, sir

UR, still being very young and impressionable at this point, was unsure what action to take. Rarely had he ever found himself in a position of such dire responsibility, and he only knew of one man who could give him the advice he needed. UR navigated his way over to a chat thread labeled “King of America – Community TL Discussion”. His good friend and confidant LightningLynx, along with a couple other users were discussing intently about a current discussion page on the TSPTF board. Connected with this server was a private chat between Scraw and another high-ranking member of the wiki.

LightningLynx: Ahoy there, captain! Where are you headed to?

United Republic: Hey LL! I have to speak to Imp

LightningLynx: Ah… some other time, UR

United Republic: No, this is important

LightningLynx: There's a tropical storm in there that's turning into the next hurricane season, you don't want to mess with that

ForsakenPear: Uh, LL? Someone wants to speak to you in PM. Its from Wiki central.

LightningLynx: Wiki central? Oh, I meant to call them yesterday! I'll be right over

As LL was immediately distracted, UR took the opportunity to enter the private chat. He was able to see the crisis that unfolding between his mentor, ImperiumGuy, and the sultan of the wiki Scrawland. However, his resolve for rectifying this crisis from Nuclear was far more dire in his mind. Scrawland stood resolute in all his imperial glory, and the messages immediately earlier in the conversation indicated a heated debate was only just now dying down into the next lower layer of emotion-charged rants. Their messages were already flying by very quickly, as the incessant logger-heading had been going on for quite some time.

ImperiumGuy:I'm not crying, Scraw.

Scrawland Scribblescratch: No, you're just begging, which is really a lot worse

ImperiumGuy:I'm only asking for 30 more days…

United Republic: Imp?

ImperiumGuy:One moment, UR, pls

ImperiumGuy:Yes, just 30 more days, I'll churn out that article somehow

United Republic: Imp!

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Have you tried putting any actual pressure on these people to make original content?

ImperiumGuy:Times are bad, Scraw, a lot of these people are still in school…

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Then just kick them off lol

ImperiumGuy:I can't do that. They have nowhere else to go

United Republic: Imp!

Scrawland Scribblescratch: We have no room in the establishment for high schoolers anyway

ImperiumGuy:They certainly learn a lot more here

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Are we running a business here or a foster home??

ImperiumGuy:Alright, come on now,

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Not with my content, you aren't!

ImperiumGuy:Scraw, what makes you such a hard-skulled guy, hm? You have no friends, no family, you certainly have no one to share these timelines with-

Scrawland Scribblescratch: So I suppose I should entrust it to miserable failures like you and that idiot LL you are so fond of

UR couldn't hold himself back from this hypocrisy any longer

United Republic: He's not a failure! You can't say that about Imp

ImperiumGuy:Will, please…

United Republic: Well, you're not! You're the biggest man on the wiki,

ImperiumGuy:Later, UR, later

United Republic: certainly bigger than this loser. Bigger than everybody!

Imp immediately helped to escort UR safely out of the chat, before Scraw could get a chance to utilize his kicking privilege, or worse.

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Yeah, that gives you an idea of the users we're dealing with

United Republic: You can't let him say that about you, Imp

ImperiumGuy:Alright, thanks UR, really :). I'll talk to you later, k?

UR was immediately flustered with emotions, filled with a perfuse anger towards the arrogance flung around by Scraw. Imp had almost been a second father to him, a mentor to his growth in both history and alternate history. Still, as the emotions subsided UR became aware again of the dilemma he was still stuck with, and had no choice but to return back to Nuke. Nuke's last message in the chat indicated he was just talking with a customer a few minutes prior.

NuclearVaccuum: Those files should have gotten to Crim an hour ago. It'll be five minutes, I promise

United Republic: Nuke, I-

NuclearVaccuum: Where's Crimson's folder of binary files?

United Republic: Files…

NuclearVaccuum: Did you hear what I said? You stupid idot!

United Republic: Yes sir, I…

NuclearVaccuum: What are you trying to make me look stupid? Why didn't you do as you are told? Are you that retarted?

NuclearVaccuum: Stupid, insolent, useless brat!

United couldn't take much more of this. His face welled up, and the screen became foggier with moisture clouding his vision.

United Republic: Nuclear, you don't know what you're doing. You put something wrong in that folder. I know you're unhappy, you got that message from TSPTF and you're upset. You put something bad in those files, Nuke. It wasn't your fault, nuke…

UR pasted the link to the google drive back in the chat. Nuke raced to open the link and examined the files again, more closely this time. After a quick test on the first bytes to confirm the file corruption, Nuke reeled back in shame. As Nuke begin typing something, slowly, UR panicked to spew out his opinion.

United Republic: Just, look and see what you did. Look at the folder you got the files from… it's a virus.

United Republic: Yes, a virus, I'm telling you it's a virus!

United Republic: I know you feel bad, I know you feel terrible, and…

NuclearVaccuum: UR, please,

United Republic: DON'T YELL AT ME AGAIN, PLEASE!

NuclearVaccuum: no… no… no…

United Republic: Don't yell at me again, sir

NuclearVaccuum: Will, will, I

United Republic: Nuke, I promise I won't tell anyone. I know what you're feeling, and I won't tell a soul. I swear to God, I won't

NuclearVaccuum: UR, I'm not going to yell at you. I want you to ask your forgiveness

As soon as the fog lifted, the screen shifted again. Now the chat was more sophisticated and developed, still on wikia's own JavaScript but no longer nearly as bugged and sloppy as in previous years. The previous collection of noobs and trolls had now grown older, more accustomed to concepts of history and conventions of fourth dimensional mechanics. Naturally, not everyone was able to overcome the hurdles of mental growth, but those who couldn't simply returned to the void where they originated.

UR's profile picture was no longer the default, generic figure as seen previously, but now bore the image of Senator John McCain, photoshopped into a presidential portrait. His partner in the chat, Stephanus, was showing off a new application for collecting and organizing media, especially handy for anyone planning to change to a different wiki platform.

Stephanus Rex: A convenient little storage space – genuine template imports, two-step authentication, fitted with google docs, spreadsheets, JPEGs…

United Republic: Nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope.

United Republic: Now look, Steph, I… I want a BIG one. Here, let me show you what I mean.

For about less than a minute, a Skype video call opened so UR could illustrate his concepts properly to Steph, as typing words was not quite able to do his vision justice. For a single moment as UR's webcam focused on his face, time suddenly froze still, perpetually centered on Will's appearance.

“What did you stop it for?” asked Clarence

“I want you to take a good look at that face.”

“Is that what Will actually looks like?”

“Yes, that's United Republic.”

“Huh. The same guy who Nuke yelled the ears off earlier?”

“That's right.”

“That's… a good-looking face. I like it. I like United Republic. So, did he ever tell anyone about the virus?”

“Not a soul.”

“Did he ever get with Upvote? Did he go exploring other wikis?”

“Well, wait and see.”

United Republic: Big storage, see? And I don't need it for just this wiki, I need something that will carry to a hundred different sites, with templates from Vector, Monobook, and… you know, a big one

Stephanus Rex: I see, a swiss-army knife, huh? I don't suppose you'd like this piece of work

Steph then pasted a link to an app made in github, with similar functionality but far more complex code and manual.

United Republic: Now we're talking :D. Lol, I could use this as light reading if I get bored on Conworlds. How much is it?

Stephanus Rex: No charge

United Republic: Ah, my Internet must have bugged, it looks to me like you said 'no charge'

Stephanus Rex: That's right lol, look here again

Steph pointed UR's attention to part of the github page, which indicated in its description that it's “Made specifically for United Republic”

United Republic: Uh, what's my name doing there?

Stephanus Rex: A little present from old NuclearVaccuum. He came in and picked it out himself, even did the modding on his free time

United Republic: He did?? How about that, my old boss :)

Stephanus Rex: What project are they starting on Conworlds?

United Republic: We have a mandatory meeting on getting started with Altverse next week, I'm super excited

Before he could proceed further UR knew he had to thank Nuke personally, so he immediately navigated his way over to Nuke's personal resource server. Nuke's server was the same décor as always, but far neater and more organized now. It was packed with far more customers, and Nuke himself was in a much jollier mood. For UR, however, who had not experienced the same time jump as Clarence, this was completely normal. Three younger users were idling amusing themselves with a music bot. As soon as UR entered the chat, Nuke's face lighted up with pride.

United Republic: Nuke, thank you so much for the app, it's exactly what I wanted :D

NuclearVaccuum: Ah, think nothing of it!

United Republic: No really, it's wonderful

NuclearVaccuum: I hope you enjoy it :)

UR knew, before he went on his way, he had to fulfill the same tradition he always enjoyed as a younger user

United Republic: .8ball I wish I had a million dollars

Notsobot: Most probably.

United Republic: Bob Sagit! lol

On the main chat, UR encountered a few old friends of his, one of which was a wiki constable.

United Republic: Hey Solace, Andy

SolaceEaSw: Hiya UR

Thewolvesden: 'sup Will

United Republic: Solace, today you're looking at a future Conworlds Admin. How about sending me off in style?

SolaceEaSw: Sure, your excellency, a 21-gun salute. And for an honored guest, I doff my hat to ya

UR was suddenly frozen in his conversation to see Candies enter the chat. Age had only served to enhance her flirtatious personality, while maintaining a high atmosphere of sophistication and intelligence. Her profile picture bore the stunning portrait of an East Asian princess from the late Qing Era. Even without having ever given hint of her real name or appearance on the wiki, she still managed to break many hearts while progressing on her own timelines.

Candiesrgood: Good morning, Will

United Republic: Hello, Candy, you're looking good, that's some avatar you got on there

Candiesrgood: Oh, this old thing? I only put it on when I don't care how I look ;)

With a sultry air, Candy slipped off to intermingle with other chatting threads, turning heads from occasional users as she went. Stunned for a couple of seconds, UR and company stumbled over the words they left off with.

SolaceEaSw: Uh, so, how would you like…

United Republic: Yes.

SolaceEaSw: Wanna join in, Andy? It'll be fun

Thewolvesden: Eh, no thanks. I think I need to see how the wife's doing

SolaceEaSw: Ah, a family man.

Later that evening, the wiki chat became the unwitting host of a boisterous celebration between UR, Centrist and Solace. It was the night before graduation, as similar ages and similar times of year across the globe still apply to the same academic schedule. Solace was much older, but he was always the master of having helping his friends unwind and turnt up. To the rest of the users, however, the chat inexplicably filled up with walls of text, memes, reactions and jokes originating from questionable sobriety. In sympathy, however, the wikians had imparted a potluck of various drinks and hors d'oeuvres.

Monster Pumpkin: UR. Centrist. You are disrupting the whole chat, can you cut it out?

ImperiumGuy:Oh, let them alone. I almost wish I could join them lol

Monster Pumpkin: Yeah I get that, but still enough is enough

NonsensicalJourney: Haha this is what happens when the wiki is mostly male

Monster Pumpkin: But, if we were all girls, there wouldn't be any,

Monster Pumpkin: Ah, nvm

Another schmoyo meme flew by the screen

Monster Pumpkin: Centrist. UR. Calm down and at least finish your drink with the rest of us. You don't want to end up late for your respective ceremonies

United Republic: Ok, MP. Here's a special present for ya ;)

UR then dropped an image with a faux quote from MP, taken from a pool of memes related to his timeline on Occitania

Monster Pumpkin: Oh God, not this. Calm down already and finish your drinks

Centrist16: I finished mine already

Monster Pumpkin: Well aren't you going to get ready to be heading out? You don't want to waste data on your phone

Centrist16: Idc, its unlimited anyway

United Republic: Oh, boy, my last week at the old Breakfast Club of the Internet

Monster Pumpkin: If you don't die first

Centrist16: Hey MP, can I borrow some of your maps? We need them over in the 1983:DD committee

Monster Pumpkin: I don't know, Centrist, that's some of our finest work…

ImperiumGuy:Oh, let him have it MP

Monster Pumpkin: Let's discuss it in pm, Centrist

At this point, Imp and UR were alone together in the chat, and the atmosphere mellowed to a sobering discussion. Imp had been UR's mentor for quite some time, and a great deal of similarity and respect had grown mutually as a result.

ImperiumGuy:I hope you have a good time on Conworlds, UR. We're all going to miss you

United Republic: I'm going to miss you too, Imp

United Republic: What's the matter? You seem tired

ImperiumGuy:Oh, I had another tussel with Scraw today

United Republic: Oh… I'm sorry :(

ImperiumGuy:I thought, when we promoted him to replace LG, he'd ease up on us a little

United Republic: I wonder what's eating that old, cold-hearted buzzard anyway

ImperiumGuy:Oh, he's a sick man. Frustrated and sick. Sick in his mind, sick in his soul… if he had one. He hates everybody, and everything he can't have. He hates you and me mostly, I guess

Centrist16: Alright I'm off to the ceremony now, catch you on the flipside

ImperiumGuy:So long, kiddo

United Republic: Were you able to figure out that tie? :P

Centrist16: Very funny, very funny

Monster Pumpkin: Just don't do anything I wouldn't do

Centrist16: You coming back on chat later, UR?

Centrist16: UR?

United Republic: What, and get bored to death?

Centrist16: Wouldn't want to die any other way. Lots of good people will be online, and they will have that new voice chat system installed

United Republic: I hope it works

ImperiumGuy:Don't come on if you are going to be drinking

Centrist16: Oh come on, Imp, just a little

ImperiumGuy:No, not one drop

NonsensicalJourney: Bleh, they have boys, girls and music, what do they even need alcohol for?

ImperiumGuy:You know, Will, we wish we could have sent both you and Centrist to Conworlds after graduation. MP and I talked about it all night

United Republic: Oh we got that all figured out. You see, Centrist will take my job on King of America, work here for a few years, then he'll go

ImperiumGuy:He's pretty young for that job

United Republic: No younger than I was?

ImperiumGuy:You were kind of born older tbh

United Republic: wdym?

ImperiumGuy:From the moment you joined the wiki, at least. I suppose you've decided what you are going to be doing after you finish with Conworlds?

United Republic: Well, you know what I've always been into – getting into political science, a degree in history, writing new novels – that sort of stuff I talked about

ImperiumGuy:Still after that first million before you're thirty lol

United Republic: No, I'll settle for half of that, in cash

ImperiumGuy:Of course, it's just a hope, but would you consider at all coming back to King of America on the wiki?

United Republic: Well… I…

UR felt a weight of Imp's genuine hope and fears rest on his shoulders. Looking around the screen, he noticed Non was idly active in the chat, while remaining quiet.

United Republic: Non, you don't have to stand around on ceremony, you could add something to the conversation

NonsensicalJourney: I would, if I thought I'd hear anything worth responding to

United Republic: You would, eh?

NonsensicalJourney: I'm just going afk for now

ImperiumGuy:Look, I know its soon to talk about this sort of thing

United Republic: Now look, Imp, I couldn't face being cooped up for the rest of my life in this shabby site,

United Republic: I'm sorry Imp, I didn't mean it that way. It's just, this site of poorly-rendered style sheets, living your life trying to appear on a handful of google searches… I couldn't stand it! I want to do something major, something important for once

ImperiumGuy:[sigh] You know Will, I feel that in a small way, we are doing something important, I mean, satisfying a fundamental urge. It's deep in the race of man to want to speculate on his possible futures, the different ways things might have been, as a reflection of what he could do for himself now. We are already helping people realize their potential, even in a shabby little site like wikia

United Republic: I know, Imp, ok. I wish I felt,

United Republic: I've been hoarding pennies like a miser just to…

United Republic: Most of my friends have already started being successful, on Conworlds, Atlas, or other places, and I just feel like if I don't get out of here, I'll just die

ImperiumGuy:Yes. Yes, you're right Will

United Republic: Yeah, you see what I mean?

ImperiumGuy:This site is no place for any man unless he's willing to crawl to Scraw. You find your place on Conworlds, then get out of here

United Republic: Imp, you're a really great guy

Wanting to break the solemn atmosphere, UR reached out again to Nonsenical

United Republic: Did you get all that, Non?

NonsensicalJourney: I did. About time one of you two lunkheads said it

United Republic: I'm going to miss you, Non :). Anyway, time to get to that ceremony

ImperiumGuy:Have a good time, Will

The wikians did not fully reunite at that same server until a few hours later that evening, enthralled in the real after party celebration. The chat was filled with a larger crowd of users, clustered in groups of similar historical, political or religious interests. The mood was set by a tracklist of classic music, national anthems, and other obscure songs performed by an orchestra of radio bots. UR waded through the crowd with Centrist close at hand, keeping spirits high by passing out tasteful memes, yet his introverted side continued to feel somewhat out of place.

Centrist16: Oh, a new user? Let me introduce to you my good friend UR. We're sending him off to Conworlds haha

JoshTheRoman: Here's the prodigal son now, LMAO

United Republic: Oh, Josh! When did you get here?

JoshTheRoman: Just happened to be in the neighborhood, and thought I'd invade

United Republic: So you're working with Altverse already, huh?

JoshTheRoman: Yeah, old Josh The Wank they call me now. Well pleb, looks like you finally made it after all

United Republic: Yep

JoshTheRoman: Ah, Centrist, you're the man I need to see. Pita's heard all about you now

Centrist16: He has?

JoshTheRoman: Yeah, he's followed every map game and his mouth's watering. He wants to find out if you're up for the next PM?

Centrist16: Well, I gotta make some timelines fast

JoshTheRoman: Well you better make them fast, we need good, personable mods like you, not broken down old nerds like this guy ;) LMAO

United Republic: Lol totally

CrimsonAssassin: Ah, UR, good to see ya

United Republic: Hey Crim, how are you

CrimsonAssassin: Installing the voice chat to the wiki regular chat was an ingenious idea. Anyway, you and Centrist go have some fun. There's plenty of nice games to play and people to meet up with, we even have our own mini Omegle going

Indeed, the most magic this evening was being conducted across the multiple channels of VC. A chat roulette was set up by a bot, as a means of forcefully breaking the ice between couples of users. Speaking with actual voices has always been a sign of intimacy across the Internet, allowing such a specific piece of information to be shared without fear of doxxing. In the meantime between rounds, several familiar avatars appeared next on the feed of chat.

Candiesrgood: Oh! Hey, UR (followed by a thoughtful Pepe emote)

United Republic: Hello, Candy

Candiesrgood: Hello, what am I bid?

LightningLynx: UR…

United Republic: Hiya, LL, it seems to be a full reunion today

LightningLynx: Could you do me a favor, Will?

United Republic: What's that?

LightningLynx: Well, you remember the younger user, Up?

United Republic: Oh, oh yeah

LightningLynx: Could you meet her in a VC call?

United Republic: Me? Well, I feel funny enough already being around kids here

LightningLynx: Oh come on, don't be such a prude. Just have one session with her, you'll give her the time of her life

JoshTheRoman: Yeah, you should do it

United Republic: Ok, I guess you'll have to excuse me, Candy

United Republic: LL, just don't take too long

Up was found in an adjacent channel, keeping aloof from social interaction. Octavius was dominating the current conversation, despite Up's desperate attempts to tune it out. Without responding more than an occasional nod, Up seemed to lighten up as soon as UR and LL entered the chat.

Octavian Marius: …next thing I know, some guy came in at the last minute and outbid me. That's the only reason I gave up on bitcoins. If it hadn't been for that,

Octavian Marius: cornering the market would have been a snap. I even tried to find out who that guy was,

Octavian Marius: but I couldn't find out. Nobody ever wants to fess up because they're always too proud of themselves. After all,

LightningLynx: You remember UR, right Up?

LightningLynx: Well, see you kids later

United Republic: Well, I…

Octavian Marius: Now to get back to my story,

United Republic: Would you like to join on VC, Up? Thanks

Octavian Marius: Hey, no, I was told…

United Republic: Oct why don't you stop annoying people?

Octavian Marius: I'm sorry?

UR and Up relocated to the voice channel. They spoke more frankly now, as freely as if one was right in front of each other, and as long as their privacy was carefully guarded by some steadfast piece of hardware. UR was stunned by the soft, mature voice he heard back, but nonetheless remained smooth under pressure.

“Well, uh, hello,” UR began

“Hello. You sound as if you don't even know me”

“I don't”

“You see me on the wiki almost every day”

“Me?”

“Uh huh”

“Oh no. That was some shy nerd named UpvoteAnthology, definitely couldn't be you”

Their further conversation was interrupted by Centrist giving an announcement on the main chat

Centrist16: Oh, yes, it's here! the annual flash timeline contest! If you want to participate, sign up with a partner to compose your timeline within the allotted time limit. The time will begin in exactly two minutes

United Republic: Uh oh, I'm not very good at this

UpvoteAnthology: Neither am I (shrugging emote)

United Republic: Ok, well, what do we have to lose?

Over the next few minutes, walls of text would start trickling in to the chat from a variety of different styles, backgrounds and quality. Some were simple and straight to the point, your typical Sealion victory, eternal Rome or perfidious Albion. Some were a lot smaller and subtler, targeting very specific changes to culture, art or science as carefully as a doctor would perform surgery. UR and Up, as they compared notes and composed, had already announced their timeline was Napoleon Bonaparte. Meanwhile, other users watched in awe in the sidelines, including Oct, except he was not so much in awe as he was pouting in frustration.

Vivaporius: What's the matter, Othello? Jealous?

Octavian Marius: Screw off, Viva

Vivaporius: Did you know the emotes of this chat can be triggered by any keyword?

Octavian Marius: So?

Vivaporius: And did you know that the emote trigger words can be edited by a single wiki file?

Octavian Marius: Meh

Vivaporius: And did you further know United Republic is about to post his turn's timeline? And I can grant access to the file?

Octavian Marius: …I think that gives me an idea

And a wonderfully, wicked idea it was. With access to the wiki files, Oct altered the squirrel emote to be automatically replace any mention of “France” or “French”. Then he hopped back to the wiki chat to watch the fireworks. UR then published his work with a dramatic flair, blissfully unaware the true masterpiece it had now become. The users, both in and out of the competition, feasted their eyes on the great Squirrel Empire, which later transitioned into the Squirrel Republic and proceeded to colonize Squirrel North Africa.

At this point, any ordinary user would have been crushed with embarrassment, overwhelmed by the scale of disaster wrought by the plethora of strategically-placed squirrels. UR, however, was a bigger man than this, and certainly didn't want to seem so weak in front of Upvote. Thus, after the long silence was broken by the occasional monosyllabic comments, UR responded with a burst of laughter. People were so distracted by UR's sense of humor at himself, they completely forgot any serious nature of the contest at all, and proceeded following suit with spamming the chat with a Second Squirrel Empire. Even the moderators ultimately broke down and joined the fun, and it wasn't until late that evening that they bothered to undo the changes on the wiki page.