User:Nathan1123/It's an Alternate Life - Chapter 4

Once again, it was Christmas on the Internet, and no server in the virtually infinite digital world was as content and festive as the Althistory wiki. Yuletide fireside chats were held among VC channels, where users from across every conceivable time zone and climate were packed snuggly together the sounds of a virtual fire, punctuated with a playlist of Christmas music. Whether it was snowing in their particular hemisphere or not made no overall difference, for the sheer winter feeling permeated the air as thick as any ice or snow.

In anticipation for a grand reunion of users recently returning from the Crony War, the wiki staff was busy as penguins putting up customized banners and backgrounds across every platform. The veteran warriors returning to the wiki from Conworlds, Reddit, AH.com, and other theaters would now be greeted by the warmest welcoming party one could ever expect on Christmas. UR particularly appeared in the chat as proud and confidently as ever, letting everyone know the exceptional news related to his best friend.

“This morning, the day before Christmas, about 10 AM EST…” began Joseph, trailing off as the screen took care of the story from this point forward.

United Republic: Hey Solace, did you see the news?

He pasted a link in chat to a Fandom blog, the epitome of local news. The text under the thumbnail clearly read “Local police force commemorates Conworlds Admin – Wiki moderator busts 419 ring”. Evidently, Centrist's reputation had grown tremendously in the time since the war, where he single-handedly took out an entire illegal operation of the cronies. Solace, in his usual way, took the opportunity to be coy.

SolaceEaSw: Yeah, I did. It's gonna snow again tonight

United Republic: What do you mean 'it's gonna snow again'?!! Look at the dang headline lol

SolaceEaSw: I know, I know, I'm just kidding. I honestly think it's great

Nuke and other users also started to become more active, picking up the tempo of the chat. They all were equally congratulatory to UR for the success of his friend, their mutual friend, and the great work he's done abroad. No longer, or at least not at this moment, was UR feeling the same desire for escape or envy as he previously had. Right at this moment, UR could not help but feel proud and sympathetically joyful for the global recognition his friend now received.

United Republic: Nuke, you take a look at this as well, make sure to see both parts of the whole story

United Republic: This is for you

United Republic: And this is for you

United Republic: See you later lol

Lightning appeared fairly briefly on the chat, examining how things are going before he heads off to his business on Wiki commons. He takes particular note to the biggest banner over the chat, that reads “Welcome Home Centrist16”. LL hummed gleefully to himself as he sent one last parting message, followed by a saluting emote to the incoming veterans.

LightningLynx: Be sure you spell the name right, haha

UR moved to the King of America channel. The decor there was all just the same, humble setting as it had been for years, untouched by the upgrades and enhancements on the rest of the wiki. But UR was used to this by now, and could not be swayed from his uplifting feelings even if he wanted to.

United Republic: Extra! Extra! Read all about it!

ForsakenPear: Hey, UR! Centrist is calling in VC right now from SoCal

United Republic: Ah, the very man of the hour

ForsakenPear: I remember your audio hardware doesn't work well, are you sure its ok?

United Republic: Wdym is it ok? For a hero? I'll just listen and speak in text

UR's posts abruptly switched to the VC channel for further discussion. After each post, there was a brief pause as UR listened to each reply from Centrist's voice. While he was distracted, however, a new user entered the chat who was eerily unfamiliar to any of the other contributors. His avatar was the Discord default, but his stern demeanor and terse attitude bore the marks of a user far older than the Wiki's typical demographic.

United Republic: Centrist! Oh, you old seven kinds of a son of a gun. Congratulations!

United Republic: How's Travis holding up?

United Republic: He what? How about that…

He quickly bounced back to the main chat to update his comrades on how Centrist is doing.

United Republic: Travis almost literally fainted when it happened lol

ForsakenPear: Oof. Wait till Viva hears about this

United Republic: Centrist, you should see what they're cooking up in town for you

United Republic: Oh, are they?

United Republic: His mother's flying over for the holidays

ForsakenPear: In a plane? FP, albeit amused with UR's excitement, could not hold back his sarcasm. UR could only reply with an eye-rolling emote before continuing.

United Republic: What's that Centrist?

United Republic: Is LL around?

ForsakenPear: No, he popped off to Wiki commons for that copyright permission

United Republic: He's not here right now, Centrist

At this point, FP just happened to catch notice of the mysterious visitor. This person was not unexpected, however, but is here for his annual appointment scheduled by Wikia central. These wiki inspectors operate on behalf of DCMA and Article 13, ensuring proper copyright laws are being enforced on their platform, but more so as a way to protect their brand from weathering lawsuits of their own. UR, meanwhile, had already gone back to talking with CEntrsit over the VC.

United Republic: Well, but I mean,

ForsakenPear: UR…

United Republic: Yeah, tell me about it

ForsakenPear: UR, that man is here again

United Republic: What man?

FP tried his best to gradually insinuate his point, using as much nudging as simple text over the a web browser can manage.

ForsakenPear: You know… the examiner…

United Republic: Oh…

United Republic: Hey Centrist, can you talk to FP for a minute, I'll be right back

UR momentarily prepared himself for his meeting, instinctively closing out all unnecessary browsers and windows to focus entirely on this conversation. He followed next with a semi-formal greeting followed by a shaking hands emote.

United Republic: Good morning, sir

J. Carter: The name's Carter – Wiki examiner.

United Republic: Mr. Carter, then. Merry Christmas

J. Carter: Merry Christmas.

United Republic: You'll have to excuse why we're all excited around here. You see, my friend on another wiki shut down an organization running a 419 scam

He was in the process of copying the link again before Carter interrupted.

J. Carter: I guess they do those things. Well, I trust you had a good year?

United Republic: Good year? You could basically say we have a royalty-free Wiki

J. Carter: Yeah, very funny.

Having determined this Mr. Carter has fewer funny bones than a depressed invertebrate, UR decided against pushing further attempts at humor. Instead, he proceeded to beckon Mr. Carter to the inner workings of KoA.

United Republic: Well… alright then. Come right in here, Mr. Carter

ForsakenPear: UR, should we hang up?

United Republic: No, no. He wants to talk to LL, so just hang on

J. Carter: Now if you'll cooperate, I'd like to finish with you by tonight. I want to be able to spend the holiday with my family

United Republic: I don't blame you at all, Mr. Carter. Just step right in here, and we'll show you everything

Meanwhile, LL is busy passing through some crucial paperwork on Wiki Commons. As King of America is rife with copyrighted assets and sources, then one always has to process copious amounts of paperwork through the Wiki Commons, in order to obtain proper permissions. The actual statement of approval from Commons is more of a formality, but having the right forms submitted and on time is fundamentally necessary to fend off a sudden flag of deletion, at best. Prosecution and fines at worst.

For LL, filling out such forms is the most laborious and mind-numbing part of his job. He had ten or twelve tabs open at any one time (honestly he lost count), one housing the form itself and others to collected needed information. He hated how the information just seemed to go on forever, and he could have sworn he put in the same sets of numbers him eight different times. He hated it so much in fact that he had put off most of this work for the last minute, hoping to submit all his work before the deadline expires tonight.

Eventually, LL couldn't take the boredom any longer and opened the wiki chat on a new tab. To his surprised, albeit of mixed emotions, Scraw was already present and being fawned over by various chat mods and sycophants, as if there was a difference. LL could not help himself but rub in the recent turn of events, as if Scraw hadn't been hearing it all day already.

LightningLynx: Well good morning, Scraw. I wonder what's in the news?

After a quick flip back between tabs, stumbling a moment as he passed the current forms, LL pasted a link to the now-famous Wiki blog.

LightningLynx: Well, well, well, what do we have here? Centrist commemorated by lcal police. That couldn't possibly be one of the KoA boys, could it? You just can't keep those buys down, can you Scraw?

Scrawland Scribblescratch:

Scrawland Scribblescratch: And how does slacker UR feel about that?

LightningLynx: Very jealous, very jealous. He received no wound in battle by his own pride. Of course, slacker UR would have made news twice if he had gone

Scrawland Scribblescratch: An outdated audio driver, I understood

LightningLynx: Yeah…

LL, feeling particularly mischievous towards Scraw, quickly opened up yet another tab to retrieve a specific meme, something real edgy and mean-spirited to drive at Scraw's goat. When he finally found what he believed was appropriate, LL quick as a flash pasted the link into Scraw's DM, and instinctively closed the same tab.

LightningLynx: After all, Scraw, some people like UR had to stay home. Not every troll works for the cronies, you know ;)

In a cold rage, Scraw proceeded to have LL kicked from the chat, feeling far too impulsive to actually implement a ban, at least not yet. Feeling that his work was done, LL proceeded to close the tab and finally turn in his submission to Wiki commons. Wiki commons had long since upgraded their self-service with an anonymous chat system, allowing a random assistant to facilitate the needs of each user.

Assistant: Good morning, sir.

LightningLynx: Good morning

Still humming a triumphant tune to himself, LL proceeded to supply the assistant with the necessary information, uploading copies of the assets which KoA needed permission for.

Assistant: I guess you forgot something

LightningLynx: Huh?

Assistant: You forgot something

LightningLynx: What?

Assistant: Well, aren't you requesting copyright permissions?

LightningLynx: Yeah, of course

Assistant: Well, then… it's usually customary to bring the paperwork with you

LightningLynx: Ah… whoops

LL began to look around at his various tabs, expecting the forms to be right at his fingertips. A few seconds later, LL began to more frantically search his browser, closing out unneeded windows. No matter how hard he looked, those forms he spent the better part of the last day on was now completely missing.

LightningLynx: I know I had it around here somewhere…

Assistant: Did you check your browser history? Maybe it got cached.

LightningLynx: Well, I'm not sure…

Assistant: As you know, if those forms aren't submitted on time, the starting fee for the infringement is $8,000

Scraw was left in the old Wiki chat, brooding to himself. Frustrated with the altruistic world of UR and KoA bearing down on him, he could do nothing else at this point but mutter the names of various users he wished were banned under his breath. Up to this point, he hadn't even bothered to open the DM thread to LL, since he fully expected anything LL wished to send him would only have been out of spite. He did concede to open the thread eventually, however, and was immediately shocked by what he found.

Instead of a hand gesture or a reference to Epstein, Scraw instead was confronted by a link to an online form hosted by Wiki commons. Scraw wasted no time to analyze the situation, but immediately recognized that LL had accidentally copied the wrong link. Oh, how the gods of nasty were smiling on Scraw this day! He straight away saved the link and deleted the entire message history, then turned his status to idle and simply waited.

Soon enough, LL reappeared on the chat, now in an inconsolable state of sheer panic. He was desperately searching every possible place he might have left those forms: the DM channels, the private channels, the recycling bin, the browser cache, all turning up empty. He barely even noticed Scraw was still present on the chat as well, let alone what his status was set to. When LL finally left, his entire mood now pale as a ghost, Scraw was left to quietly ponder and scheme what his next move is. LL rushed back to King of America, stopping by every conceivable site and pastebin he could find on the way, desperately hoping to stumble across some note, bookmark or cache with his forms saved in.

Back in the King of America chat, UR was showing Mr. Carter around to their various assets and channels, making sure everything was in order.

United Republic: Just make yourself at home, Mr. Carter. I'll get those log files for you

Unexpectedly, not one but two people arrived in the chat at this point. Candy slowly and sheepishly moved through the chat towards UR, while LL wildly flew through in a blind panic, barely acknowledging anyone's presence.

United Republic: Why, hello Candy

Candiesrgood: UR… can I see you for a second?

United Republic: Of course you can! Just DM me

United Republic: LL, talk to Centrist a minute, he's on the VC chat

ForsakenPear: LL, it's Centrist calling in all the way from California

LightningLynx: Huh? Uh, who…

ForsakenPear: Centrist. Your friend. Remember?

LL stumbled into the VC chat, almost completely unaware of his surroundings. His mind was glued to the fact he's lost these forms for Commons, and the impending huge fines coming against them.

LightningLynx: Hello… hello?

LightningLynx: Yes, Centrist

LightningLynx: Everything is fine, yes… everything is… fine…

He passively disconnected the VC chat without even waiting for Centrist's response, still muttering mindlessly to himself.

LightningLynx: I need to get my head examined. It's GOT TO BE HERE SOMEWHERE!!!

LightningLynx: 8000 dollars…

FP and the other KoA contributors were simply dumbfounded, unsure what to make of LL's constant babbling, but before they had any chance to respond LL was already on his way to logging off again to search his computer's hard drive. Meanwhile, the DM continued between UR and his old prodigal friend of the Philippines. UR just passed a link to a Venmo to her, casually passing on help to her financial needs.

United Republic: Here you are

Candiesrgood: Character? Ha, if I had any character I'd…

United Republic: It takes a lot of character to close your profile and start all over again

He started to put a few more digits into the payment of the Venmo, which already was pulling at Candy's heart.

Candiesrgood: No UR, please don't

United Republic: Hey, you're broke aren't you?

Candiesrgood: Yeah I know, but,

United Republic: What are you going to do, sell your dogs? You going to walk to America? You know they charge for meals and rent here just as they do in Manila

Candiesrgood: Yeah, I know

United Republic: It's a loan, to help you. That's my business, isn't it? Helping people. Besides, you'll get a job. Good luck to you

Candiesrgood: I'm glad I'm your friend, United Republic

Candy completed the DM thread with emotes of lips and eyes, expressing her deepest appreciation with almost child-like glee. They went back to the public chat to continue the conversation.

United Republic: Say hello to San Francisco for me

Candiesrgood: Yeah, sure I will

United Republic: We'll keep in touch, I trust

As UR and Candy's conversation continued in public, the other contributors and Mr. Carter could not help but look on awkwardly.

United Republic: Merry Christmas, Candy

Candiesrgood: Merry Christmas, UR

J. Carter: Mr. Republic…

United Republic: Oh Mr. Carter, I'm sorry. I'll be right with you

United Republic: Is LL in yet?

ForsakenPear: He was just here… you can send him a DM

UR proceeded to comply, unaware of the impending disaster King of America was now facing. On Lightning's end, his desktop had been turned completely inside-out as he had dumped almost every file, folder and disk he could lay his hands on: post notes, recycling bin, search history, removable disks… By this point, his desktop was filled from one side of the screen to another with random text files, Word documents, PowerPoints, or any kind of file that could conceivably hide a URL between two bytes.

United Republic: Hey LL!

LightningLynx: WHAT?

United Republic: What's going on? The Wiki examiner is here, I was just asking,

LL's eyes nearly popped out of his head and smashed through the screen. Running his ands a moment through his curly red hair, LL began to reply.

LightningLynx: He… he's heRE?!

United Republic: Yeah, he is. He wants those logs of the copying licenses,

United Republic: What's the matter with you, anyway?

LightningLynx: You're not gonna like this

Mr. Carter began growing hotly impatient sitting around in the KoA chat. FP was just standing around feeling fairly useless, unsure whether he should keep the line open with Centrist, attempt to entertain the Wiki examiner, or continue standing around. Suddenly, UR burst out of his DMs again and started frantically searching the chat logs of KoA, then quickly perused through the community folders and resources. Finding nothing useful, he froze in his tracks and calmly posted.

United Republic: FP…

ForsakenPear: Yes?

United Republic: Check DM

FP glanced at his DM to see what UR had posted. He specifically did not want the examiner to notice what kind of a drastic situation they have found themselves in.

United Republic: Did you see LL with any Wiki forms to be filled out last night?

ForsakenPear: He was halfway through them when he closed up yesterday

UR and LL quickly doubled the size of their DM history in the span of a few hours, meticulously going over every single movement and post LL did the entirety of that day.

United Republic: Now did you do any gaming today? Download anything?

LightningLynx: Nothing. Not even a Minesweeper

United Republic: Alright, it's fine. Just go over every step you took since you left the office

LL led UR through each change of channels, servers, and websites he took throughout the day. As they dipped in an out of the main chat, Scraw quietly and passively observed their movements from on high. That evening, almost at the very end of business hours, LL and UR were in a Skype call, now physically observing and reviewing each and every step LL took in his apartment away from his PC. Not that they expected a URL to be found in any drawer or desk, but just to help LL retrace his steps in the desperate home that something will click.

United Republic: And did you have the forms in your clipboard? To paste somewhere?

LightningLynx: Yeah… no… maybe…

United Republic: Maybe?! I don't want to hear any maybes LL!!! We've either got to find those forms, or cough up enough money to pay for it

LightningLynx: I'm no good for you UR… you know neither of us has that kind of money

United Republic: That doesn't matter! You have any idea what will happen to use if we don't pay the fine?

United Republic: Listen LL, listen to me! Do you have any backups to your PC, like falsh drives or CDs? Someplace you would store the forms on?

LightningLynx: I've searched over the whole damn house, even in rooms iv'e never opened since… since I became single

United Republic: LL focus and listen to me! Listen please! You have to think! you have to remember,

LightningLynx: I can't think anymore, UR. I can't think, it hurts…

UR could not stand this anymore, and took all his willpower to restrain from throwing his laptop across the room. He wished that LL was here in person so he could just strangle the ignoramus until he coughed up $8000.

United Republic: You stupid, ugly, retarded old clown! Answer me already, where's those forms?? We need those stupid forms!

United Republic: Do you realize what this means, or do I have to spell it out for you? It means banning, and scandal, and prison,

United Republic: That's what it means, idiot! One of us is going to jail. And it's certainly not going to be me

LL was just sobbing over his keyboard, unable to hold back tears at this point. UR didn't even wait to hear if he wanted to respond, but just blocked LL's DMs and stormed back to King of America. His anger and frustration was becoming harder and harder to control, and at last he stood up and shoved his pile of textbooks off his desk, screaming in emotional agony.

After taking an hour or two to recover his anger, plus or minus the physical abuse of the room around him, UR returned to the dark, old musty Discord chat to see who's online. Upvote was hard at work helping their adopted users out of the Republic Academy, aiding them in their last minute timelines and other personal projects. The adopted users were far younger in age compared to UR and Up, and in some cases were only barely permissible under Wikia's age restrictions. It was like raising children, and in many ways UR and Up preferred it that way.

The air was filled with the sound of Kang playing a zither in the VC, although since he was struggling to complete the first three chords, he continued to play the same music over and over. Upvote herself was continuing to improve the décor of the chat as much as possible. She was currently in the process of drawing her own image of a Christmas tree, while taking some help from Draf and Atli.

UpvoteAnthology: Hello, dear :)

Drafigo13: Oh hi UR!

Icelandicwriters: Heya UR

As soon as UR stumbled his way into the chat, Upvote made sure to link the current progress of her work as soon as possible, seeking only some kind words of approval.

UpvoteAnthology: How do you like it?

UR was just silently staring at the screen, almost expressionless.

Drafigo13: UR, she asked how you like the tree

UpvoteAnthology: Did you get the wreath JPEG?

Icelandicwriters: Did you get the Christmas wreath, UR?

United Republic: What? What wreath?

UpvoteAnthology: Well, the “Merry Christmas” we picked out for the wallpaper

United Republic: No. I didn't have time today

UpvoteAnthology: Have you eaten today

United Republic: NO. I didn't. have time today.

UpvoteAnthology: …

UpvoteAnthology: What's the matter, UR?

United Republic: Oh, nothing is the matter, nothing at all. Everything is just fine.

UR turned silent and grey again, passively watching Draf and Atli go to work. Remaining slightly suspicious, Up went back to helping both of them with drawing the tree image.

Drafigo13: What do you think Up? I can't do the star myself

UpvoteAnthology: You're a big boy, Draf. Just highlight the darker lines and increase the contrast, that's it

UpvoteAnthology: Very good! Now fill in that little bare spot there, that's it

As UR silently watched Atli at work, his screen steadily fogged up from tears that proceeded to slowly drip onto the keyboard. UR felt both his eyes swell with irritation as well as his fists clench out of sheer frustration and pent up anger. How could this happen? Why would God this happen? In a matter of hours, UR could be seeing every piece of his life carefully carved off his body like a Christmas turkey: the timeline, his family, his friends, and most of all his freedom. This could very well be the last time UR could embrace his adopted users.

UpvoteAnthology: Isn't it wonderful about Centrist? We're famous now, UR. I'll bet I had 50 pings today about the celebrations, the templates. Travis is also so excited,

United Republic: ghwr;iughwr

Up interrupted herself as she noticed UR's spamming. It's not in his character to accidently post such garbage.

United Republic: I'm sorry for that. Look, must Kang keep playing that? I can't stand it

EmperorKangxi: I have to practice for a party tonight, UR

Drafigo13: Up was saying we are going to stay up till midnight, and sing Christmas carols!

Icelandicwriters: Can you even sing, UR?

UpvoteAnthology: Maybe you should go ahead and eat something, UR, before the Conworlds people show up

United Republic: Conworlds people?? I don't want any Conworlds people here!

UpvoteAnthology: Ok, UR. Can you DM me for a second?

United Republic: Sure

Icelandicwriters: Excuse me

UpvoteAnthology: Have a hectic day?

UR was almost bitter, his fingers stabbing the keyboard as he typed out a reply with as much force as possible.

United Republic: Oh, sure. Another monumental day in the great history of King of America

Drafigo13: UR. The 83:Doomsday have a new banner, you need to see it

Draf was easily starting to get on UR's nerves. In fact, almost everyone now was.

United Republic: So what's the matter with our banner, huh? Is that not good enough for you?

Drafigo13: Yea

Icelandicwriters: Excuse me

United Republic: Excuse you for what?

Icelandicwriters: Uhh, I forgot

UpvoteAnthology: Alright, you're excused, now let us talk privately a moment and we'll check up on Driving later

UR and Up convened in private discussion.

United Republic: Driving? What's the matter with Driving?

UpvoteAnthology: Oh, Driving hasn't been feeling well. He's been in bed today. Non had him stay a few hours after school to finish his flower drawing project on time, and he caught a bug on the way back home

United Republic: What is it, a sore throat or what?

UpvoteAnthology: Just a cold. The doctor says it's nothing serious,

United Republic: What doctor? Was the doctor here?

UpvoteAnthology: No, I just helped Driving make the call. Honestly, he says its nothing to worry about

United Republic: So what's the story? Is he running a temperature?

UpvoteAnthology: Just a teensie one – 99.6 I think

United Republic: This climate change is getting out of control, it's a wonder why we don't all have pneumonia. People are getting sick or demented everywhere around me, and I can never ever escape. Why did you have to tie me down to this measly crummy old wiki anyway?

UR's rants were starting to get out of hand. Clearly something was bothering him.

UpvoteAnthology: UR… please tell me what's wrong

United Republic: What's wrong?? What is even right? Would you even call this a “happy family”? Who in their right mind would adopt this many users?

This conversation was suddenly interrupted by Draf doing what Draf does best.

Drafigo13: UR. What would be Philip VIII's successor in fascist France?

United Republic: I don't know, ok? Ask UP

United Republic: Be back later

UpvoteAnthology: Where are you going?

United Republic: Going to check on Driving

UR spat out a shade's emote before he went, not realizing it was still broken from so many years ago. Frustrated, and still annoyed by everything else around him, UR was almost tempted to cuss out UP and the younger users right then and there. But, carefully pulling himself back together, he proceeded to leave the chat and open a DM thread with Driving.

Drafigo13: I just wanted to finish my article today

UpvoteAnthology: Look up his issues on Wikipedia, I'll walk you through it

DrivingFan42: Hello UR.

United Republic: Well, what happened to you?

DrivingFan42: I made a flower. Wanna see it?

Driving was adorable in every way. In spite of every emotion UR has felt today, his heart always had a special place for his youngest contributor. At least, UR decided to pause his pent up emotions just for this DM chat.

United Republic: Sure, I'd love to see it. Just take it easy, I understand you've been sick

DrivingFan42: I'm not feeling that bad. But I can't get these dumb petals to sit properly >:(

DrivingFan42: Can you please fix it?

Driving proceeded to paste in chat the flower picture, as well as the clipart of petals he was using. Unfortunately, UR had neither the time nor the patience to fix Driving's art project for him. However, he was certainly not going to turn down this request either. UR downloaded the picture and the petals, saved the assets to his desktop, then re-uploaded the same picture back to Discord again, pretending to have completed a quick work.

United Republic: There it is, good as new :)

DrivingFan42: Thanks.

United Republic: Driving, can you do me a favor?

DrivingFan42: What?

United Republic: Try to get some sleep, ok?

DrivingFan42: I'm not sleepy, though. I want to look at my flower.

United Republic: I know, but you just have to go to sleep, and then you can dream about it, and then it will be a whole garden

DrivingFan42: It will?

United Republic: Mhmm

DrivingFan42: Ok. I'll go to bed then.

United Republic: See ya

With Driving tucked in for the night, UR came back to the chat to discover a new visitor had already shown up. Draf was back to writing ideas for his timeline, and Atli was posting reaction GIFs in the chat every few seconds. The same four or five chords on his zither over and over.

NonsensicalJourney: Hello there, Upvote

UpvoteAnthology: Hello. Yes, how are you Non?

NonsensicalJourney: Can't complain. How is Driving? I was worried a bit about him?

UpvoteAnthology: Oh, thank you for your concern. I'm sure he'll be alright. The doctor says he ought to be out of bed in time for Christmas dinner

United Republic: Hey, since when did Non show up?

UpvoteAnthology: Only just now

United Republic: Yeah, well I have a few things to say myself

Now, the time for patience was up. UR could never possibly hold back his frustration forever, and he felt justified to release his pent-up emotions here and now.

United Republic: Hey bitch, what kind of a mod do you think you are, anyway? What do you mean slaving Driving through the night on that stupid looking flower? You do realize he'll probably end up with pneumonia on account of you?

UpvoteAnthology: UR, please

NonsensicalJourney: I mean, I didn't,

United Republic: Is this all that the TSPTF does when they sit on their fat asses all day? Promote these stupid, incompetent old oafs who work our users without food or rest?

UpvoteAnthology: UR, I beg you please stop

United Republic: Oh sure, I just love these Wiki people. I love how people like you just wants to screw people over, and expect them to take with a smile on their face. I love all the stupid ugly hags that think they can do whatever they want and never get called on it. And I absolutely love living in this drafty old apartment with paper-thin walls and less than a gallon of hot water

United Republic: Did you ever consider that, you useless turd? Maybe, just maybe you can realize some people don't have it as nice as you do?

United Republic: Its so stupid

UpvoteAnthology: Non, look I'm sorry, I

UpvoteAnthology: Non? @NonsensicalJourney ?

UpvoteAnthology: She's offline

United Republic: Well if I meet her in person, I'll send her offline

Before Up had any opportunity to calm UR down again, the chat suddenly became alive again with a new voice.

WarriorofFreedom: Hey, what's the big idea?

UpvoteAnthology: Ethan, we just,

United Republic: Yeah, who's asking? What are you doing here?

WarriorofFreedom: I happen to be Non's friend, she said you've been telling her off

United Republic: Oh, you're her friend, huh? Ok, that's fine, gives me a chance to say what I really feel about her

UpvoteAnthology: UR…

United Republic: Will you let me handle this, UP? Like seriously

WarriorofFreedom: I'm warning you to back off now, UR

United Republic: Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?

WarriorofFreedom: I have a fist that would like to decorate the back of your head with the front of it

United Republic: Oh you will, huh? Ok Ethan, anytime you think you're man enough,

After a few seconds, it seemed obvious that the chat was devoid of activity again.

United Republic: Hello? Ethan?

UR sat back at his computer, now starting to breath much heavier and faster. His tears had dried up at this point, and now the only fluid pumping through his body was red hot adrenalin left over from the argument with Ethan and Non. The outburst failed to be able to vent his frustration, but rather only served to turn his blood from simmering to a slow boil.

Drafigo13: UR. How many sections would make a good person article?

United Republic: How am I supposed to know? Stop asking the same stupid questions, Draf

Atli posted yet another reaction GIF, showing Michael Jackson eating popcorn.

United Republic: Atli can you cut that out already? Just everyone shut the hell up!

The chat suddenly stopped cold at this point. Up just stood pale at the computer screen, almost holding her breath wondering what UR is going to end up doing next. Atli paused at his computer as well, more uncertain what's going on at all, but just froze his hands over the keys like a cartoon held on pause. Only the sound of Kang's zither continued to blare.

United Republic: Kang, haven't you learned that stupid tune yet?? You've been playing it over and over again. Now stop it! JUST STOP IT!

Now, there was only silence. Nothing but UR's heavy breathing. After a pause that felt like an eternity, a Windows notification popped on Up's computer of a new edit to UR's sandbox. Dozens of drafts, ideas, drawings, and lists are all deleted and replaced with the words “NOBODY CARES” in heading-1 font. Up was now horrified, worried not only for UR's own psychological safety, but the younger users and herself as well.

After the deed was done, UR's breathing finally started to settle as his pounding heartbeat started to slow. As the adrenalin steadily drained from his body, UR began to become more aware of his surroundings, and more aware of what he just did to his Wiki family. Ashamed, he looked back on the chat history of the messages he just wrote, and felt immediately disgusted.

United Republic: Look I… I'm sorry Up. I didn't mean…

United Republic: Kang, I'm sorry, you go on and practice now

United Republic: Draf, I owe you an apology too. I'm sorry. What do you want to know?

Drafigo13: Nothing, UR. I'm good

The chat remained dead. No one was daring to respond after UR's last rant.

United Republic: What's the matter with everybody? Kang, go on. I told you to practice.

United Republic: Go on, now. PLAY!

EmperorKangxi: It's ok… I can practice later

Up just had to intervene at this point, but she became unsure how to end the sentence as she typed it.

UpvoteAnthology: UR! Why do you have to torture the users like this? Why don't you just… idk

United Republic: Up… I'm sorry. I'll just go.

And right at that second, UR's status changed to the most cold and lifeless shade of grey. Up did not hesitate, however, and immediately sprung to action. No matter what his psychological condition, she would do everything in her power to ensure he's ok.

UpvoteAnthology: You all stay here. I'm going to make some calls

Drafigo13: Is UR in trouble?

EmperorKangxi: Should I try praying for him?

UpvoteAnthology: Yes Kang, please pray very hard

Icelandicwriters: Me too?

Icelandicwriters: Yes, you too Atli

UR was lost, completely helpless, and afraid. He felt like every effort, every ounce of energy he devoted to any hope or idea was proven utterly useless, as if he was latched to a railroad in unbreakable irons, unable to turn an inch left or right. Everyone around him, however best intentioned, have proven even more useless than taking things out on his own. His own partner and apprentices, his closest friends and family, could offer nothing but grief and worry. He only knew one person with the power to save him, only one person who, at some point in the past, was willing to give him a lucrative job.

He needed to open a DM channel with Scraw. To his surprise, Scraw was already online, and instantly available to hear exactly whatever UR wanted to say. Never had he been so easily accessible since he turned down Scraw's job offer earlier. Nonetheless, UR had no time to dwell on these things, he had only one job and one last hope he could possibly shoot for. UR found himself almost trembling as he sat back and watched is own hands type out the following message.

United Republic: I'm in real trouble Scraw, I need help. Through some sort of accident, my timeline mismanaged some copyrighted materials, and the Wiki examiner is there today. I've going to have to raise $8,000 immediately to cover the damage

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Ah, so that's what the journalists wanted to talk to you about?

United Republic: Journalists??

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Yes, some freelance bloggers came to the TSPTF looking for you, over at King of America chat right now.

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Oh, there's a man over there from the DCMA office too looking for you.

United Republic: Please help me Scraw, I beg you. Can't you see what it means to my family? I promise I'll you any sort of a bonus on the loan, any interest at all. If you still want control of the timeline, I guess,

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Honestly UR, get a grip. Is it possible there is a slight discrepancy in your logs?

United Republic: No Scraw, there is nothing wrong with the logs. I just lost several online forms that were going to Wiki commons, and I can't find them ANYWHERE

Scrawland Scribblescratch: You lost Wiki common forms?

United Republic: Yes!

Scraw took his own time to wait before responding. The next message didn't come until UR already had a full, cold sweat on his brow.

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Have you called a lawyer?

United Republic: No Scraw, I don't want the publicity. Centrist's homecoming is tomorrow,

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Haha, like they are going to believe that one, lol

Scrawland Scribblescratch: What's really going on, UR? Upgrading your Angry Birds with the Wiki's money?

United Republic: No Scraw, I would never…

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Ok, a girl then? You know, it's all over the grapevine that you've been handing out money to Candies

United Republic: Wait what?

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Not that it makes any difference to me, of course. Still, why come here? Why don't you go to Josh and ask him for the money?

United Republic: I can't get a hold of him, he's been offline

Scrawland Scribblescratch: And what about your other friends?

United Republic: Come on Scraw, you know they don't have that kind of money. You are the only person I know who can help me

Scrawland Scribblescratch: I see I've suddenly become very important. What kind of security would I have, UR? Have you got any investments?

United Republic: No. I do not.

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Bit coins? Real estate? Collateral of any kind?

UR's head fell limp as his heart sank in defeat. He had already lived so long sinking his life and savings into his education, he really had no financial assets to speak of. Sucking in what felt like the last breath he'll ever take, UR forced himself up away from his computer and rifled through the drawers of his desk. A variety of unopened bills, expired policies, grade reports, and Christmas cards were collectively pushed back, removed, set aside, or thrown across the room in random combinations. Something… anything… he cannot just sit back and accept his fate; he refuses to. At last, he stumbled across a small, crumbled envelop tucked in the far left corner of the bottom drawer. It wasn't much, but he knew it was worth some amount of money.

United Republic: Ok. I have a life insurance policy. It's liable for $15,000

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Uh huh. And how much is your equity in it?

His heart pounding faster, UR tore open the envelope he hadn't looked at in over a year, searching for the right number Scraw was referring to.

United Republic: $500

Scrawland Scribblescratch: And you expect me to raise you 8000

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Look at you. You used to be so cocky. You were going to go out and conquer the world lol.

Scrawland Scribblescratch: You once called me a warped, frustrated old man. Well, now you are a warped, frustrated young man. Or rather, you are a miserable little clerk crawling in here on your hands and knees begging for help. You have no securities, no investments, nothing but a miserable little 500 dollar equity in a life insurance policy.

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Lol, you really are worth more dead than alive, aren't you

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Why is it that you can't go to the white trash you love so much and ask them to give you 8000? I know why. Because they would run you out off this wiki on a rail

Scrawland Scribblescratch: I'll tell you what I am going to do for you, UR, since the Wiki examiner is still here. As a member of the TSPTF, I'm going to forward an application for a warrant for your arrest. Violation of policies, theft of intellectual property, manipulation, etc.

UR's fear and anxiety began to eat away at his intestines from the inside out. His last hope had been snuffed out, and right before his eyes he was seeing the words ensuring his path now being locked on target to prison. Instinctively, UR just changed his status to appear offline, then his hands recoiled to begin viciously fidgeting.

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Lol go ahead and try to hide, UR. See how long that can last.

Scrawland Scribblescratch: Vand, get me Wiki Central on the VC

Now vehemently frustrated, UR threw the now-worthless policy down on his desk, then swung his foot around in an attempt to kick his desk drawer close. It failed to close, however, and got jammed on its inner rail. After a few more swift kicks in a vain attempt to force it closed, UR finally gave up, collapsing his tear-filled face into his trembling hands.

After several minutes, UR opened his laptop again and navigated to a specific Facebook group, a community of vicarious living titled “Sky's Sensual Bar and Grill”. At this point, he was no longer looking for any help or even hope from any friends. He just wanted to drown his sorrows, and he preferred to not do it alone.

Ever since Sky's career on the wiki was placed back on its feet, the “bar” has always been a totally impartial judgement-free zone, a collective home for anyone to feast or dine together, either in celebration, mourning, or anything in between. On this time of year, the page was packed to the rafters with festive posts and discussions across every conceivable kind of media: videos, images, mukbang, reactions, and textual chats. In the middle of it all was UR, forcing back tears as much as possible as he clutched an alcoholic drink he prepared himself. Every onec in a while, he steadily thumbs over the life insurance policy sitting on his desk, almost temptingly so. Finally, he decided to break the silence to speak out his mind.

United Republic: God… dear Father in Heaven, I'm not usually a praying man, but… if you are up there and you can hear me, please show me the way

United Republic: Please, I'm at the end of my rope. Show me the way, God

UR's messages were almost buried immediately among dozens of other, for more uplifting messages. However, for the friends in the chat who were more intimately familiar with UR, they were immediately alerted that something serious was going on.

Edgeofnight: Are you alright, UR? Do you want to try lying down or something?

United Republic: No… no, I can't.

SkyGreen24: Why do you have to drink so much though, UR? Give your body a rest, it's Christmas Eve

As it so happened, one of the moderators of the page happened to be a familiar face from the Wiki, and evidently not the person UR wanted to see at this point.

WarriorofFreedom: UR? Is United Republic on this page?

Edgeofnight: Yeah, United Republic is here

WarriorofFreedom: Good. This is from Non

UR then suddenly found himself blocked out of Sky's Bar, as the page suddenly went light grey with a Facebook notification hanging on the screen. At this point, however, UR had been almost totally disconnected from reality, and barely batted his eye at this. This only lasted a few more seconds, however, before Sky intervened and unblocked UR once again, immediately stripping Ethan of his moderator role. Everyone in the chat who had noticed this display were already in shock, immediately rushing to UR's side with questions of his well-being.

WarriorofFreedom: It's a good thing, for you, that I wasn't there in person, or else I would have given worse. Non cried for an hour. It isn't enough she slaves to help your stupid users how to do a simple Google search, for crying out loud. Then you have to chew her out on top of that, it's disgusting

SkyGreen24: That's enough out of you, Ethan. Your time is up

WarriorofFreedom: Don't give me that, Sky. I haven't finished my drink

SkyGreen24: You've finished enough, now go before I kick you

WarriorofFreedom: Fine, I'm going

SkyGreen24: No one treats my friend that way when he's depressed

Edgeofnight: Are you alright, UR?

UR was stunned and slightly confused with all that happened in such a short period of time, especially in his intoxicated state.

United Republic: Wait, that was Ethan?

SkyGreen24: He's gone. Don't worry, he's not coming back to my place ever again. We'll make sure of that, right Edge?

Edgeofnight: Yeah, you bet

United Republic: Oh, so it was Ethan. Well, I guess that's what I get for praying. Thanks, God

That was the last straw. UR's mind was completely broken, or so it seemed. He was no longer confused, or even depressed. He knew exactly what he needed to do, to save his friends and family. He reached forward across his desk to snatch the insurance policy paper. Sky, however, was just starting to get tipped off on UR's psychological state.

United Republic: Now, where's that insurance policy? Ah, here it is

SkyGreen24: UR, please, whatever you are thinking of doing, you need to reconsider

United Republic: I'm alright, don't worry. I need to go

SkyGreen24: No, UR! You aren't feeling well, you need to lie down

United Republic: I'm alright, I'm alright

SkyGreen24: No, UR, I beg you, don't go away, please!

It was too late, UR had already proceeded to close every browser, every window, every app, then stood up. The contents of UR's room consisted of the physical avatars that represented his interests and career online. The walls were decorated with various historical posters and murals, often as inspiration of UR's avatars on the wiki, or other sources. These included Japanese emperors, World War era generals, propaganda of the Crony war, and American monarchs. UR's bed was laid out long and narrow like a coffin, framed in old cedar wood and draped sloppily in a black comforter. The middle of the bed sank in from months of use, exactly six feet down from the ceiling. The wooden desk which enshrined UR's computer was made of a much older and rougher material, filled with splinters and misshapen drawers.

As UR stood up, he was careful to avoid the junk laying around his feet. A dozen or so textbooks and research materials were chaotically strewn about, some of which laid on their spines or open pages. This was intermixed with a variety of empty plates, bowls, and dishes decorated with crumbs of unfinished food, largely untouched in the last couple of days. Outside the window was a torrential blizzard, as UR’s corner of the globe was being beset with a winter storm.

UR reached for the door, and then stumbled out into the common area of his apartment. He blinked incessantly for a moment, as his deprived, half-intoxicated eyes met the greater light of the outside world. His vision settled on a dark, blurry figure that steadily walked towards him, but as his vision cleared the figure morphed into his all-too familiar roommate.

“Hey Will, I'm going to be out with friends for the evening. Do you think you could make sure the trash gets taken out?”

UR barely had any consideration for his roommate even on a normal day, nor the trash he is constantly tasked to clean up. Although the wastebasket belonged to UR, the trash inside of it did not, and that apparently was enough logic to justify being consistently given that responsibility. At this point, however, responsibility meant nothing to him. UR stumbled into the kitchen and fumbled around for the biggest knife he could find.

“Will? Hello, are you listening? Hey, what are you doing with that knife?”

UR only heard noise at this point. Noise from useless people who he didn't care about. UR walked back towards his bedroom, being careful to point the knife safely towards the ground. As he reached the door of his room again, UR gave a swift kick and knocked the wastebasket over a few feet, spilling crumpled papers and garbage all over the floor.

“Hey! What the hell is wrong with you? You drunken fool, get back here and clean up this mess. Will?!”

UR slumped into the chair at his computer, slowly lifting the knife up to his face. He stared, fascinated, at the glittering blade in his hand, and felt its soft rubber grip across his fingers. Only six inches lay between it and the end of Will's life, a miserable clerk worth more dead than alive. His computer was completely idle at this point, with all chats disabled and inactive. Now there no distractions, no outside interference of any kind from people trying to “help”, because at this point all anyone can do for him was pray. No distraction, that is, except his roommate pounding on the door to his right.

“Will, open up this door right now! Do you hear me?”

A thousand thoughts on a thousand memories flew through UR's head in an instant, funneling to a thousand different ways that everything he ever did before led up to this one moment. He began to raise the knife high above his head with the blade turned towards his jugular. With only a fraction of a second to spare, UR was suddenly interrupted by a single, small Windows notification, indicating an unfamiliar user was trying to message him.

Clarence: Will, I'm in a bad situation, I don't know what to do, and I'm a little scared…

Clarence: I think I'm going to end it all.

UR immediately put down his knife, and reached back for his computer. No matter what the situation was, he could not allow a fellow human being to fall victim to self-harm and depression, even a stranger. After logging back into Discord, UR sprung into action to bring up and answer the messages coming from this mysterious stranger. To his shock and surprise, UR did not see Clarence listed under any of his direct messages. Rather, he found that this new user somehow was already on the Althist server, and pinged him there. Nonetheless, UR knew he needed to act fast if this stranger was intent on killing himself.

United Republic: Hey, listen, it's going to be alright :) I'm right here. I don't know who you are or where you came from, but if you took the trouble to reach specifically out to me, then it is my honor to make sure you are ok, and I won't leave this chat a moment until I ensure that you are so. Whatever dark place of emotion you feel right now, you need to realize that people do in fact care about you, which I know for a fact because I am one of them. So tell me, what's on your mind?

At this point, UR had completely abandoned his suicidal thoughts to focus entirely on this stranger. Besides UR and Clarence, the chat was almost completely inactive at this time of night, except for a single user who always turns up at the best of times.

Octavian Marius: Hey UR, who's your friend?

United Republic: Oh we've only just met, but he seems to be in need of some help

Clarence: I'm doing quite alright, thank you. My name is Clarence, but I guess you can already see that here, haha.

As the situation had been defused, UR began to sit back and notice just how strange this new user actually was. The font of his text was very ornate and stylized, almost looking hand-written. His profile was very hard to make out, but appeared to be an early modern engraving of a face and frame, or possibly a sketch done with quill pen. The face belonged to a very old and jolly man, almost completely bald with some grey hairs on the top. He had some facial features that could be described as adolescent, almost infantile, and his clothes seemed to match the similar time period of the sketch's style of drawing. Next to his username was a custom status that read “Moonlight drowns out all but the brightest stars.” Oct was equally puzzled and surprised as UR at this point, but so far was more taken by curiosity than anything else.

Clarence: I didn't have time to get a more proper avatar. This is the only picture of me I could really find on-hand, which my sketched on my last birthday. Would you believe I passed away looking like this? Haha.

Octavian Marius: Wait, passed away? Also what does that status mean

Clarence: Oh the quote? That's Lord of the Rings, very excellent book. You should read the new book Tolkein's writing now

Octavian Marius: Um, ok. So what was that stuff about being depressed earlier?

Clarence: Ah, I wasn't really depressed. I said that in order to save Will.

United Republic: What? To save… me?

Clarence: Well I did, didn't I? You didn't go through with it, did you?

United Republic: Go through with what?

Clarence: Suicide!

Octavian Marius: Suicide is illegal in this country

Clarence: Yeah, it's against the law where I come from, too.

Octavian Marius: And where is that?

Clarence: Heaven.

Octavian Marius: ????

Clarence: I had to act quickly; that's why I gave you a ping. I knew if I was suffering you'd try to save me. And you see you did, and that's how I saved you.

Clarence: Of course, I had to do a lot of studying beforehand, too, or else I would never have figured out how this whole Internet works.

United Republic: Uh huh, very funny

Clarence: You got kicked on Facebook today, didn't you, Will?

United Republic: Yeah, I got screwed over in answer to a prayer a bit ago

Clarence: Oh, no.

Clarence: No, no, no. I'm the answer to your prayer, Will. That's why I was sent down here.

United Republic: How do you know my real name, anyway?

Clarence: Oh, I know all about you. I've watched you grow up from a little boy, more or less.

United Republic: So what are you, some sort of stalker?

Clarence: Oh, no. Not at all.

United Republic: Then who are you?

Clarence: Clarence Odbody, A-S-2.

Octavian Marius: Lol, Odbody?

United Republic: A-S-2? What's that?

Clarence: Angel, Second Class.

Octavian Marius: Uhh, uhhhhh

Oct had clearly had enough for one night, in more ways than one.

Octavian Marius: I just remembered, I have an appointment… somewhere. Bye

Clarence: Cheerio, my good man :)

Clarence: Oh! That smiley face really works. Does it always do that?

United Republic: Oh… brother. What did I put in those drinks??

UR wished he could pass off this as a troll or a schizophrenic. But at this point, with no one else to turn to he might as well humor this delusion.

United Republic: So what did you mean earlier by “saving” me? Why would you want to save me?

Clarence: That's what I was sent down for. I'm your guardian angel.

United Republic: You?? Are my guardian angel?

United Republic: You know what, sure. Why am I not surprised

Clarence: Ridiculous of you to think of killing yourself for money. Eight thousand dollars.

United Republic: There you go again! How do you know something like that?

Clarence: I told you – I'm your guardian angel. I know everything about you.

United Republic: Yeah, you definitely look like the kind of angel I'd get. Maybe a fallen angel

United Republic: Did you bring your wings with you, too?

Clarence: I haven't won my wings yet. That's why I'm an angel Second Class.

United Republic: Well, maybe I won't like having a guardian angel without any wings

Clarence: Of course! I've got to earn them first. And you will help me, won't you?

United Republic: Sure, why not? I'll help you get your wings. How can I do that?

Clarence: By letting me help you.

United Republic: There's really only one way you can help me. You don't happen to have $8000 on you, by any chance?

Clarence: Oh, no. We don't use money in Heaven.

United Republic: Oh right, how do I keep forgetting?

United Republic: I'll let you know, it sure comes in handy down here

Clarence: Oh, tut, tut.

United Republic: I found that out a little too late. Didn't you hear? I'm worth more dead than alive :D

Clarence: Now look, you mustn't talk like that. I won't get my wings with that attitude. You just don't know all that you've done. If it hadn't been for you,

United Republic: Yeah, if it hadn't been for me, everybody would be a lot better off: my friends, my community and my users

United Republic: Look, whoever you are, go off and stalk somebody else, ok?

Clarence: No, you don't understand. I have a job…

United Republic: No one cares about your stupid job!

Clarence: Hmm, this isn't going to be so easy.

UR's patience for this psycho was wearing thin. There was a pause before Clarence's next post, evidently as he continued to commune back with Joseph.

Clarence: So you still think killing yourself would make everyone feel happier, eh?

United Republic: Oh, idk anymore. Maybe you're right

United Republic: I think it would have been better if I was never born at all

Clarence: What did you say?

United Republic: Did I stutter? I said I wish I was never born!

Clarence: Oh, you mustn't say things like that. You…

Clarence: Wait a minute, wait a minute. That's an idea!

United Republic: What is?

Clarence: I need to check with Joseph, one second.

About 3-5 seconds goes by, as UR stares confusedly at the computer screen.

Clarence: Yeah, that should do it.

United Republic: What is going on?

Clarence: You've got your wish, that's what. You've never been born.