User blog comment:Local Mafia Boss/Crimea Crisis/@comment-4621372-20140302185258/@comment-4727448-20140302204710

Interior of the Kremlin, some time next week.

Putin's Aide: The United States has deployed their John Kerry.

Putin: Do not worry. We shall bash his head in. Release the Medvedev.

Aide: But the Medvedev is powerless against the John Kerry!

Putin: DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT MEDVEDEV MEANS? IT MEANS BEAR EATER. I SHOULD HAVE HIM EAT YOU.

Aide: But this Medvedev is not a Bear Eater!

Putin: FINE. I SHALL ENGAGE COMBAT WITH THE JOHN KERRY MYSELF. SUMMON MY GLORIOUS STEED.

Aide: Yes, sir. Leaves.

Putin picks up his phone and dials a number.

Putin: Allo? Yes this is Putin. KGB? Yes good. Yes. The aide. Before I leave Moscow. Do it now and do it fast. Da. Goodbye.