User blog comment:Local Mafia Boss/Crimea Crisis/@comment-24285234-20140302235215/@comment-4727448-20140303000258

The Kremlin again.

Putin's New Aide: Sir, we have seized the Crimea.

Putin: DA! THE PUTIN TAKETH AND THE PUTIN TAKETH. THE EVIL JOHN KERRY HAS BEEN DEFEATED BY THE ME!

Aide: Da. What would you do now?

Putin: I GO TO DUMA! SEND MORE TROOPS! MORE! MOARRRRRRR! THE PUTIN WILL NOT STOP UNTIL HE TAKETH THE ENTIRE CRIMEA! HAHAHA! RUSSIA WIN SECOND CRIMEAN WAR! BRITAIN AND FRANCE POWERLESS TO STOP THE PUTIN MACHINE!

Aide: Sir, last time a major nation invaded a smaller peasant nation with similar ethnic region, World War II started.

Putin: YOU DARE CALL ME NAZI? YOU ARE PEASANTRY! I SHALL PLACE YOUR WHOLE FAMILY INTO SERFDOM! TO GULAG WITH YOU!

''The KGB agents enter and take the aide away. Presumably to a gulag.''

FOX News the next day.

Male Anchor: Yes, and in other news in Russia, the most recent aide to Russian President Vladimir Putin was reported missing last night.

Female Anchor: Local officials have declared it to officially be a kidnapping, but experts are saying that this was not a kidnapping. It was an abduction. Here with us today we have abduction expert Stu Pid, the author of the bestselling novel "How To Deal With Abduction: The Six Stages of Panic and Recovery".

Pid: Yes, if you turn to page 73 of the book you'll find the section titled "Political Abduction". As this missing person was the aide of the President, the abductors are most probably terrorists seeking to destroy capitalism worldwide. They are starting from the bottom up, attacking high ranking officials through their associates before moving directly to them. Now see, since this happened in Russia, they were probably Ukraino-Chechen Muslims extremists with radical intent. This does, in fact, pose a threat to the national security of the American people.