Cold to Hot



October, 27, 1962, Caribbean Sea

(Enter Captain Valentin Savitsky, Political Officer Ivan Maslennikov, and the second in command Arkhipov to the bridge, filled with anxious crewmen)

(Sounds of loud, exploding practice depth charges.)

SAVITSKY: Damn these Americans! If I only had the order to crush those pesky destroyers!

MASLENNIKOV: Calm, Comrade Savitsky, Moscow warned us about these practice depth charges.

(Another loud boom, deck rocks)

SAVITSKY: (Trying to hang on balance) Comrade Khrushchev also informed me that I am allowed to launch the torpedoes if I see fit.

ARKHIPOV: Captain, I'm sure Comrade Khrushchev would avoid a war at all cost, initiating a full scale war is the last thing everyone wants.

MASLENNIKOV: Arkhipov's right, Comrade Savitsky, as the Political Officer, initiating a war would not be benifiting the Union in any sort of way.

SAVITSKY: I was simply considering my options, Comrades, I too am human, you know.

(Another huge boom, deck rocks violently, things get caught on fire, crewman scrabbling)

SAVITSKY: Damage report!

CREWMAN: Deck 3 and 5 are depressurized! Fire on the bridge!

SAVITSKY: Don't you think I can see that the bloody deck's on fire!?!

MASLENNIKOV: They - they attacked us! This is the first strike against the Union! We must respond!

SAVITSKY: Just as I suspected, there's no stopping these imperialistic Americans, arm the torpedo!

ARKHIPOV: Captain! We simply cannot respond with nuclear arms! It would set off a chain of nuclear strikes!

MASLENNIKOV: Do it, comrade Savitsky, you have the support of your Political Officer.

CREWMAN: Torpedo's is armed!

SAVITSKY: Fire.

ARKHIPOV: NOOOOOOOOO!!!

CREWMAN: Impact in five,

four,

three,

two,

one.

(Low toned boom)

ANOTHER CREWMAN: Target is destroyed, and sinking. No signs of nuclear activity

CREWMAN: Captain, there is no radiation detected.

SAVITSKY: Well we just wasted millions of rubles launching a metal paperweight.