Humour (1983: Doomsday)

In most cultures, humor (or humour) was vastly affected by Doomsday and its aftermath. Many people have turned to jokes and humour as a way of relieving tension.

This page hopes to documents all types of humour and jokes that have become popular in the time since Doomsday.

Doomsday jokes

Cannibalism

(Immediately after Doomsday cannibalism was common.)

Two cannibals were deciding what to eat. Cannibal #1 says 'What do you want?', so cannibal #2 says 'Can we have a Chinese?'. A few minutes later they were tucking in; cannibal #1 says 'this doesn't taste like a Chinese'; cannibal #2 says 'I couldn't find any Chinese'.

"Mama, mama. I do not like grandpa.

"Shut up and finish eating.

"Hey! This doesn't taste anything like hickory smoked!"

"Yeah, your're actually eating some guy's carcinoma."

Although not an actual joke, joking references to cannibalism have found their way into everyday slang in many places, generally in reference to meat products of dubious quality, e.g. kiddie pies, baby burgers, baby on a stick, ect. There are also occasional comments by people presented with dubious looking pies, stews, ect, to the effect of 'oh, so that's what's happened to (insert name of someone who's missing) ' although this is generally considered rather crass.

Radiation

A joke that has done the rounds across the former UK usually with the neighbouring town's name added in:

In the small town of .....(add town name here).....

A young boy asks his grandfather: "Grandpa, is it true that in 1983 there was a nuclear war?"

"Yes, there was son." — answered the Grandpa and patted his grandson on the top of his head.

"Grandpa, is it true that it had absolutely no consequences?" asked the boy

"Yes, absolutely" — answered the Grandpa and patted his grandson's second head. (Often added "And they strolled off together, wagging their tails").

Another one is:

how many (insert name of town/country here) does it take to change a lightbulb?

Answer: None, they simply hold the bulb and it glows on its own!

A rather more tasteless (not to mention groan worthy) one:

"I went to a party in (insert name of nuked town here); it was a blast."

Anti-nation jokes

Anti-New British

Among the nations that have cropped up in the former United Kingdom there is a feeling that the people who went to South Africa and formed the nation of New Britain were cowards and numerous jokes have been made on this topic. For example:

King Andrew has announced that New Britain will be changing it's National Anthem. The new Anthem will be the Del Shannon tune "Runaway"

And:

Q: Why don't they use fireworks in New Britain anymore?

A: Because every time there's a display everyone runs to the docks.

During the New Britain vs Cleveland game at the 2010 World Cup, the Cleveland supporters (a mixture of mainly Cleveish and Lancastrian individuals along with people from other British survivor states) indulged in the tradition of mocking the opposing side, on this occasion taking their inspiration from Monty Python:

Brave New Britain ran away.

Bravely ran away away.

When danger reared it's ugly head,

They bravely turned their tails and fled.

Yes, brave New Britain turned about

And gallantly they chickened out.

Bravely taking to their feet,

They beat a very brave retreat.

Bravest of the braaaave, New Britain!

Many jokes formerly applied to the French by the British (generally in the vein of 'surrender monkeys') have been changed to fit the New British.

Anti-Woodbridge

Many jokes have resulted from the growing perception of inbreeding amongst the Woodbridge population. For example:

"What's the difference between a mutant and a Woodbridger? A mutant has an extra arm, a Woodbridger has an extra head."

Celtic Alliance

These are basically updated versions of the pre-Doomsday "Irish" jokes which traded on the stereotypes of the Irish

Anti-True British Army

Q. How many members of the True British Army does it take to light a fire??

A. None, they don't need to light any fires where they're going!!

Lawrence Raider jokes

{Ghoul is a conman name for a Mutant}

Q What's the difference between a Feral Ghoul and a Lawrence Raider?

A None; you don't want to know either one!!

Anti Sicily

The first lady asked the leader of Sicily, "What'a you wanta for dinner?", so the leader replies, "I wanta Pizza," so his wife says "whata kinda pizza do you wanta", so the leader replies "I wanta pizza di Mediterranean". (Referring to Sicily's conquest of the Mediterranean".

Anti Prussia

Q why does king Christian wear red and white braces

A to keep his red and white trousers up!!

Anti RUAS

At a meeting of the SAC's delegate of Argentina asked the delegate from Bolivia.

"How is it that in Bolivia there is admiralty if you have no sea?

"For the same reason that in Argentina you have a ministry of culture.

Anti Spanish

An inspector from the LoN in the company of a Spanish military visit a few fields in the Rif, where it is said that he had hashish plantations.

He says the military inspector:

"They've done a great job. You say they have seized to the top floor of these crops?

"Yes, we have seen to that.

"What they've done with the confiscated?

"Errr

Anti Andorran

An Iberian know an Andorran. They talk and asks:

"There is so in the world and you prosper. How do you do?

"Because we do not discuss with anyone.

"Are you sure?. Not by that.

"Okay. Well not so.

A Spanish priest, an Andorran and a Basque talks about how to distribute the money through collections:

Basque says: We draw a line on the ground and threw coins into the air, falling to the right go to God and to fall to the left to the parish.

The Spanish says: We trace a circle on the floor and threw coins, falling within the circle to God and those that fall outside the parish.

The Andorran says: We launched the coin. Those who take God... for him, and falling for the parish.

Doomsday-related media

Cartoons and comics