Alternative History

With apologies to Dr. Seuss. A moral story for Christmas time.

Any similiarities to real life people are purely coincidental.

Every User down in Fandom liked Christmas a lot…

But the Admin, put in charge of Fandom, did NOT!

The Admin hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be his desk was set a little too low,

Or maybe his Internet was a little too slow,

But I think that the most likely reason of all,

May have been his heart was two sizes too small.

Whatever the reason, his heart or his modem,

He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating all Fandom.

With an Admin-like frown over his screen and keyboard,

At the warm lighted windows below on Discord.

Every user pitched in for the holiday theme,

Publishing content, and uploading memes.

"And they're making Polandballs!" he snarled with a sneer,

"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his Admining fingers now drumming,

"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"

For tomorrow, every User spends Christmas the same,

Their parties in VC, and their role-playing games.

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!

Noise! Noise! Noise!

That's one thing he hated! The NOISE!


Then on livestream, all the Users would sit down to a feast.

And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST!


They would feast on Wiki-pudding, and Wiki-roast beast.

Which was something the Admin couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!

Every User on Fandom, both the tall and the small,

Would gather in VC, where they stay all night long.

As they stand hand-in-hand, and break out into song!

They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!


And the more he thought of a Wiki trying to sing,

The more the Admin thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"

"Why, for seventeen years I've put up with it now!"

"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!


He said, "I know what to do!", with a pop of his collar

And he changed out his avatar to a crimson red color.

And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great awful trick!"

"With this profile and tag, I look just like Saint Nick!"

"All I need is an elf..." The Admin looked around.

But, in his mother’s basement, there was none to be found.

Did that stop the old Admin? No! He simply said,

"If I can't find my own elf, I'll make one instead!"

So he called Tim Slade into his unholy scheme,

And dressed up his profile in an elvishy theme.

THEN the admin declared with a Devilish glee,

“We will steal Christmas from the Fandom community!”

The Admin and his Elf waited ‘till nightfall, and then,

Masked their IP on a Russian-made VPN.

The Discord was all quiet, devoid of malice or rage,

All the Users were dreaming sweet dreams at this stage,

And the Admin arrived at Althistory’s main page.

"This is stop number one," the Admin said, with a cackle,

As he surveyed the Wiki he was preparing to vandal.

Althist is unlike other sites on Wikia,

With their own content instead of mainstream media.

It meant nothing to the Admin, as far as he could see,

There are no bonus points for originality.

He saw the nation-themed comics arranged in a row.

"These comics," he snarled, "are the first things to go!"

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most creepy,

And he stole every piece of content from the Wiki!

The features! The map games! The templates! The Multies!

From Doomsday, and Morte, and that one world without bees!

He scraped every tag, as if his heart couldn’t be colder,

And stuffed them all into one compressed folder

Then he found Althist’s fridge. He took the Brass feast!

He took the Wiki-pudding! He took the roast beast!

He cleaned out that fridge, and took off like a rocket,

Why, that Admin even took their last pizza hot pocket!

He compressed all that food, every pepper and bean.

“And NOW!” grinned the Admin, “for that holiday theme!”

He grabbed the style sheets, started scraping, and then,

He heard a small ping, like a penny on tin.

He whipped up the Discord, and who should he see?

But little Wiki Jimmy, who was not more than thirteen.

The Admin was caught by this new contributor,

Who was up to check emails on his computer.

He stared at the Admin and said, "Santa Claus, why,”

"Why are you taking our Christmas theme? WHY?"

But, you know, that Admin was so smart and so slick,

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my sweet kitten," the fake Santa would tell,

"I bring gifts to those who are online, as well!"

"But there’s one script here, that just won’t quite compile"

"So I’m taking it down, but for only a while"

His fib fooled the child. Then they talked for some time,

Sent the lad back to bed, then returned to his crime.

And when Jimmy’s status closed its eye back to grey,

He scraped the last sheets, and went off on his way.

Then the last thing he took was that new logo they had.

Then he logged off the site, himself, the old cad!

In their fridge, all he left was milk that had gone bad.

And the one piece of content he left on the Wiki,

Was one pixel too small for a mouse to even see.

Then he did the same thing to each Fandom Wiki,

Leaving pixels too small for THEIR mouses to see!

It was quarter past dawn… All the Users still sleeping,

And the Admin was finished with all of his creeping,

He zipped up their content! The JPEGs! The Gifs!

The tags! And the templates! The boxes! And Tiffs!

Three zillibytes in all! Every Wiki now defeated,

The Admin was now getting ready to delete it!

"Pooh Pooh to the Users!" he was impishly humming.

"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!"

"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"

"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,

Then the Users down in Fandom will all cry Boo Hoo!"

"That's a noise," grinned the Admin, "That I simply MUST hear!"

So he opened VC, and put his hand to his ear.

And he did hear a sound from the Discord below.

It started in low. Then it started to grow.

But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!

It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!

He stared down at the Wiki! The Admin popped his eyes!

Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!

Every User down in Fandom, the tall and the small,

Was singing! Without any content at all!

He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!

Somehow or other, it came just the same!

And the Admin, with his cup of ice-cold grey tea,

Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could this be?”

"It came without templates! It came without memes!"

"It came without map games, or holiday themes!"

And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.

Then the Admin thought of something he hadn't before!

"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store."

"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

And what happened then? Althistory they say,

That the Admin’s heart grew three sizes that day!

As the window cracked open with bright morning light,

He re-uploaded the content back to the site,

And he brought back the memes! And the food for the feast!

And he, HE HIMSELF! The Admin carved the roast beast!